Day Five - Mharech (Auberge cafe camp) - Dunes near Mbidi

No sleep, another day trekking and experiencing again the feeling of furnace heat! Our guides have no option but to reduce some of the distance planned, due to the unexpected immense heat, but we completed the required scheduled instructed experiencing more gruelling heat. Although the dunes and sunsets are amazing!

I hardly slept the previous night, due to ‘spiders crawling on me anxiety’ along with the heat. I made the heat situation worse, stubbornly zipping myself tightly and securely, snuggled in-between co-trekkers (for additional security), in my mummy sleeping bag. I refused to help myself by trying to decrease the night’s heat. Wrapped tightly in my 2-3 season sleeping bag, to prevent the nightmare of any hell bugs or spiders crawling on my skin. I baked all night! I fidgeted and tried to stop my mind continually visualising spiders. Hence, I was actually begging for the early start alarm call. Alarm call, at last I thought! The team will be awake soon! I felt shattered and concerned I had damaged my energy levels for the planned trek challenge. I reminded myself it was too late to worry now. I had no options but to go with the flow and motivate myself. I am accustomed to the early morning ritual. Here we go again! See to blisters, replace compeed plaster if necessary and tape feet/plaster to prevent further movement and friction on blisters. Wash and brush teeth, swilling with bottled water only – done. Stuff my clothes in my rucksack and take what I need in my daypack. Collect my rations of water, add my re-hydration tablets to water ratio and fill up hydration pack. Grab some energy food, bread and jam, and swill down as much sweet coffee as possible. The upside of drinking as much sweet coffee as possible is the sugar and caffeine kick. The down side? encouraging more peeing stops, (which is not the best trying to find private pee places and convenient moments.) Next routines are the most important, oh of course except for water rations, tie boots tightly but comfortably and finally slap on the highest factor sun screen.. Here we go, and we’re off to our next camp.

Today was planned with a continual walk, no in-between breaks, as the scheduled was head straight to tonight’s camp and permitted us to casually enjoy, near to camp, some stunning dunes providing another amazing sunset and sunrise. I relished in a half day trek, and at the time thought, this should not be too much of challenge. How wrong one can be. The first two hours are filled with a mixture of light hearted feelings from most, with a contrast of frustration and negative vibes from some. I am feeling relatively mellow, not particularly tested, and greeting an opportunity to chat one to one with a few trekkers I hadn’t had the pleasure of sharing with previously.

The ground is flat, dunes stunningly stand strong either side, as we trek ahead. From capturing the beautiful surroundings, and feeling comfortable for the first two hours walk, I notice my mood drop, the heat playing her games and again trying to prevent me to complete another day’s challenge. It is amazing how you always feel overheated but suddenly it feels like an instant double increase of temperature. I wanted to focus, avoiding verbally negativity around some trekkers, break away and start trekking alone. We captured a few individual and different group photo’s to recall and reflect on after the trek. However, I felt this was the only day I really wanted to trek on my own, away from the group. At the time I had no idea why I felt so strongly to be on my own. I was sharing an experience with many like minded, strong characters and caring people. I recall needing sole time, feeling rather emotional but had no idea that thoughts and feelings were waiting to kick in later that evening.

Breaking away from individuals or groups, I walk as close as possible to the camels who trudge slowly and effortlessly, oblivious that they could be rescue vehicles and are comforting anchors of support. I try to steal from their shadows. To help me feel a small moving shelter from the sun. I walk with caution to avoid any kicks from them, due to invading their space. Whilst trying to absorb as much as possible the shade their moving figures spill.

Ibraham, our Moroccan guide, had travelled most of today’s trek on camel back. He was still feeling quite weak and ill because of fasting for religious reasons. He turned around to check on the group, to view and ensure no one was far behind. He must have noticed me walking very close to the camels and guides, with nothing but negative body language. He offered a few times “do you want a rest and break by taking a camel ride to camp?” I continually, with a stiff upper lip British manner, politely thanked him but declined. He tried to encourage me, pointing out the camp ahead, which I could not see. The camp was at least another two hours walking distance. Ibraham, as always, tried to motivate by convincing me it was within thirty minutes (Moroccan time!).

I tried to pick up my pace, reflecting on my mental attitude the previous “rocky horror day, ” When I was an inch away from climbing into the rescue jeep. I thought of motivating music. The music I listened to during my Sunday miles and miles of training and commitment. It was time to use my MP3. I had charged it to the max and saved it for a difficult day. One particular track I had used to motivate me and prepare for this challenge was Ritchie Lawrence’s funked up version “Laurence d’Arabie.” An amazing track, modernising, and bringing up to beat the sound track from the original film “Laurence of Arabia.” I find every note romantic, passionate, lifting, energising and providing the feeling of contentment every time I listen to it. The music made my mind travel, whirling up various visions, mystery and magical fantasy and reinforced positive emotions. I trek while sorting through my MP3 player to find this piece of stunning music. The song starts. I feel an instant inspirational lift and drive. All’s good. I am walking in the Sahara Desert, listening to “Laurence d’Arbie” with my eyes scanning and blinking to capture memory photographs. I feel on top of the world. What an experience, HEAVEN, visually, auditory and kineasetic. Nothing can discourage me now!

Or can it? My MP3 suddenly stops, due to the power running out. I realised from this failing how important it is to have a variety of anchoring modalities to change negative and challenging thoughts. The auditory modality I had carefully preserved, although the sell by date came unexpectedly. This unfortunate back up reliance, resulted in a mood drop ten fold. I am trying to pick up my motivation, by reflecting on sponsors and children at Acorn’s hospice. But, no matter how hard I try the heat seems to melt away words and pictures in my mind. My mood has become basically peed off..

I did manage to complete the schedule. I was truly heat overwhelmed. I think I went into a hypnotic state, walking and continuing the in head battle with the quitter and determination character. I remember hearing applause from a few trekkers who arrived at base earlier, and those who helped to set up camp, due to opting out of today’s trek for sickness reasons. I threw myself under the canvas and with delight removed my trekking boots. Sobbing a little, (for some reason?) although trying to hide it. Jimbo caught me aggressively wiping a tear away from my fisted hand forced with an angry forearm across my face. He gave me a reassuring shoulder squeeze and hug saying “good stuff, well done!”

Day Four - Ekfrijer-Aldrdou Mrakib-Mharech (Auberge cafe camp) - The "Rocky Horror" Day and Night..One of the lowest of low times for all of us

The previous night, while sharing our evening meal under canvas to shelter from the sand storm, we had discussed as a group rising earlier at 05:30hrs with intentions of hitting the sands to trek at 06:30hrs. This was agreed by all to take advantage of the cool morning and travel as far as we could during this time. Chaotic morning routine of washing, packing, dressing, eating, collecting water rations is pretty much repeated as described in day three. Once again we set out on time. The sunrise is absolutely stunning, no photographs or descriptions can create the inner peace, content and bliss experienced walking and viewing the perfect golden ball projecting a magnificent powerful warm glow of pure light, into the bluey grey morning sky..

The ground is very rocky although relatively level for sometime. Eventually we put leg muscles to work taking long, firm, strides up sand dunes. I was surprised that my sub-conscious naturally told my legs the easiest way to walk down steep dunes. Almost like a reflex action I walk down side ways using the whole surface of my foot, creating my own downward sand stairwell. I watched Trishna brace herself to run down, smiling with sweet success as she arrives at the bottom on both her feet with no trips or tumbles. We have walked approximately one hour or more, then stop to take a very quick break. Quick breaks are spent topping up on sun screen, sitting for a while and drinking more water. Although we have not walked for too far or collated miles and miles, the heat is already becoming a challenge added with the rocky grounds that require great concentration.

We take a second short break, the heat is unbelievable. Although I keep topping up with sun screen, wear a long sleeved thin shirt my arms feel as though they are burning. We all try to take shade under skeleton trees, but what little shade is provided has no cooling affect. Tom and Ibraham call the group together and suggest we make track to the midway rest base. Many of us reluctantly, de-motivated at this point, follow our guides, hoping camp is not too far away. An hour or more later it is time to find a lunchtime shaded rest spot. Camels had carried food parcels, bottles of water and the tent pitched for temporary cover. Today we had to take a two-three hour break due to the immense heat. The heat is sickening, 45-50°C we were told upon completion, unaware of this fact at time, although suffering the experience as we walk. I am starting to get slightly emotional, irritable and frustrated trying to conjure up images or an idea, that will permit me to cool down without tipping my water supply over my head and wasting it required for essential hydration and energy.

The dreaded call and gathering together to walk to home camp three seems too soon, although we have sat doing nothing for hours. I, and many others, do not understand why when we set out the heat has not decreased at all. If anything it has increased to cooking level. The trek schedule provided months in advance, explained it was necessary to commence walking early to enjoy a cool period, and take along break to avoid the maximum heat levels, with a continuation in the afternoon when the temperature is supposedly to drop. This heat is not dropping in the afternoon, it is definitely increasing. The heat is suffocating and soul destroying. We walk and bake, walk and bake, walk and bake. You cannot even try to distract with the open surrounds to find calm, the ground is covered with small and large sharp cutting rocks you have to look down at all time to avoid tripping and falling. I know quite a few off us really had enough this day but obviously I share my thoughts and feelings from my perspective. I have no idea why but I start to feel angry. Physically when I get angry I feel a knot in my gut tighten and either wanting to release in an out burst of anger or tears to reduce stress and pressure. I keep trying to focus back to my volunteer days at Acorns Children’s Hospice, all my wonderful sponsors and re-read in my head the numerous kind words of support expressed along side the names and donations visable on my charity giving page. I printed off all quotes from my charity giving page, and carried good luck cards received with me, knowing at some point I would need to use all as an anchor to motivate me.

My thoughts, although I will not name a few other co-trekkers I know will agree on this,..Walk, swear, drink water, feel the immense burn from the sun, walk, swear, drink water, feel the immense burn from the sun, walk, swear, drink water, feel the immense burn from the sun..this has become a mantra! Although I question myself that my legs and feet can carry on the heat is making me want to surrender!
This day was so tough a jeep was sent out to pick up and drive to camp, anyone who felt so ill due to heat or any pain from blisters or muscular problems. I remember standing looking at the jeep, then looking at a speckle in the distance that had been pointed out as that nights camp. The camp, way way ahead in the distance, appearing the size of a full-stop at the end of a sentence, and what felt like one! I keep looking at the jeep, then the “full stop “ repeating this focus over and over again. The jeep is drawing me like a magnet to get to camp, to rest and get out of the burning sun. The full stop feels and looks unreachable for at least another hour in the gruelling heat.

To be honest and re-capture the true moment, at the risk of appearing completely insane to those of you who never have little in head conversations with the various characters we have in our minds, I will share the little internal head conversation between my “Giver in” Lisa voice” and “Rationale” Lisa voice.

Giver in Lisa (GIL) - “I can’t do this anymore, I’ve had enough I need to get in that jeep!” wants to cry like a great big baby
Rational Lisa (RL) “Yes you can, you know you can complete today all by foot”
GIL - “I can’t, shut up! I’m going to get in the jeep”
RL - “Question..Do your legs really, really ache to the point you can’t go on?”
GIL - “No not at all. I’ve trained so hard for months, my legs are fine, still feel stong, I could walk for hours!!”
RL - “Right!, so that’s not a problem at all then. Do your feet really really hurt, to the point you can no longer walk on them?”
GIL - “My feet hurt, that’s for sure, but I’ve had worse and still carried on walking for miles on the towpaths and Malvern Hills training for this”
RL - “So the feet aren’t a problem either, so walk just keep walking!”
GIL - “I can’t I’ve had enough, the heat is killing me!”
RL “ Well get in the jeep then!”
GIL “I want to but if I do that I will be angry with myself later and be in a mood for days”
RL “Stop going on and get in the jeep”
GIL “If I do that I will have to tell all my sponsors when they ask if I completed the trek I didn’t. I couldn’t lie and then I’d feel like I let them down.”
RL “GET IN THE JEEP, stop going on and on, shut the (can’t repeat the swear word) up, and get in the jeep”
GIL “No, I can do this. I’ve worked so hard to do this I can finish today at least”
RL “Great news, start walking faster then to complete quicker and stop wasting more time talking to me standing longer in this miserable HEAT!”

And from this point, internal mind conversation over, I walk with determined attitude to arrive to camp by foot. I have flash backs of the many Sundays I had committed and carried out my long walks on the Worcester and Birmingham towpaths, the Malvern Hills. My repetitions on the Selly Oak New Road stairwell to the canal aqueduct, one to one personal training at the gym, my sponsors, the heart breaking times of visiting Nicola, my stepmom, in St Mary's Hospice the middle point of my Sunday training days, and to ensure I spent time with Nicola, and above all, the “heart” of the trek for me..the children,families and carers who depend on Acorns as a life line. Tom, later that evening told me, he had said to Lucy “Lisa seems to have picked up her pace!” At the time I was oblivious to onlookers, frantically stabbing my trekking pole into the ground in a pendulum motion as I head for camp continually forgetting the waste of water for hydration and using it to cool down, by pouring it over my head to distract from the heat! I will not share with you the language that rang around in my head as I continued to walk. However, to politely enlighten you I used every foul curse word "under the sun!" pun intended.

Guess what!? Lisa Z did it! With the help of Lisa Dooling, my name prior to marriage, whose pet name at school was Eliza Doolittle, I now hear in my head, as I lie on my thin mattress,the "Giver in" Lisa voice and "Rationale" Lisa voice, taking lead of the song sung by Marni Nixon and Rex Harrisons playing Professor Higgins, sing from the film 'My Fair Lady' the song "You Did It." The various prior negative and positive characters and challenges sing this song of achievement, althougth todays success is a bittersweet pill to swollow. It was not possible to verbalise how great I felt for managing to beat the negative demons and continue to walk, to do a little success dance, you feel gutted for a few people that needed to rest due to feeling so sick.

At the time of arrival to the new camp, I thought it to be absolutely stunning, and I was looking forward to resting, sharing our evening meal and sleeping out from under the canvas out in the open air under the stars. The other surprise, which Ibraham had told us was there was a café where we could buy coke and tango. Lying down during cool off periods we had often discussed if we could eat or drink absolutely anything of our choice right now what would it be? We all seemed to agree on an ice cold coke. We did not believe Ibraham, we could not possibly imagine a café in the middle of the desert, we thought he was fooling us all as a means to motivate us during the tough day. Oh us of little faith in our guide Ibraham, were put to shame when we discovered there was a café a few yards from camp. Like excited children we all head to the café to buy fizzy pop. It was not very cold, but boy did we all appreciate a change and treat from water.

Washed, clean, sitting on blankets chilling with a few of the girls I am starting to realise I am not overly keen on our new home and resting location for the night. The con’s of such a beautiful oasis are revealing themselves to us in the form of dung beetles and what I am later lead to believe are camel spiders. There are some pretty ugly looking bugs, which even thinking about as I recall that night, set me off itching and shuddering in disgust. As night begins to fall I and Ellie are feeling extremely out of our comfort zone,due to nightfall we cannot see if anything nasty is approaching us. Jimbo let out the loudest yelp of “Bleeding Ada, something’s just grabbed me finger!” Although his reaction was highly amusing, and the camp erupted into laughter, I am feeling more and more anxious about how the hell I am going to rest and get any sleep tonight. I eat my evening meal standing up! There are nasty bugs just appearing from nowhere. Ellie is having a fit! while I can relate to how she feels I am trying to keep it all inside. This is not easy, I do not want to be bit, stung or even have the nightmare experience of some evil bug/spider creature from hell touching or crawling on my skin. (((shudders))).

The camp is starting to settle to sleep, some debating whether to sleep in tents or outside. Ellie, bless, looks to me and asks where I am sleeping? Utter fear in her big wide eyes. I am really trying to not make her feel any more scared, but I like Ellie, do not want to sleep in the tent or outside, I want to sleep where I know I definitely will be safe from this hell camp. I decide to sleep outside, so head to the tent to collect my sleeping bag. Headlamp on, I lean down to pick up the packed up sleeping bag, a hand either side of the squashy package, and as I slowly pick the bag up and my headlamp sheds more light onto the black bag, I notice two spider legs move disturbed by my movement. OH MY GOD! It was literally next to my right hand, I have never ever if my life seen or been as close to anything as horrendous as that. To this day I do not know how I managed to, in slow motion mode, gently put the sleeping bag back down, to avoid disturbing and hence producing further movement from this hell thing. How I managed to not scream the camp down I have no idea. With its legs spread and spanned it was almost the size of my hand, although the body was not overly meaty, and stood out more so being camel coloured sitting on MY BL**DY SLEEPING BAG!..eeekkkkkk;

I am still amazed how I keep some what calm, walking away from the tent. Outside I ask “Who is the gentleman that has no fear of spiders?” Linden, sat next to her partner Ollie say’s “It’s Ollie.” I look at Linden and then to Ollie, back to Linden again asking “Can I borrow your boyfriend for a moment, to get this spider off my sleeping bag, cos I swear to God this is BIG and horrible!” Ollie and a few other co-trekkers, are intrigued after my description and make head with headlamps on to my tent to view my claim. I can’t remember who, but I know there was at least 4-5 of us. When head torches all shine the spot light on to this uninvited visitors I turn to the others and see faces of eeekkkk. I cannot recall Ollie’s words for words but I am sure he said something along the lines of “I don’t think I can help with this one.” To which we call upon a Moroccan family member to assist with the removal of camel spider hell creature! Matife comes to aide, although he too looks very reluctant. He has the assistance of on lookers headlamps but as he bends down to pick up, and walk with the sleeping bag parcel we run leaving him walking in dark, and hearing him share a few words or gestures requiring assistance to see what he is doing and where this spider is has moved to.

Everyone seems to settle, accept for me and little Ellie. To take away from Ellie’s fears, although like Ellie I am feeling so anxious and know I will not sleep well tonight, I share with her I am going to sleep outside! Under the Sahara stars.. Although I keep accessing if there’s an option to ask our guides if tonight we can curl up and get some “zzz” in a vehicle!. Although it is very hot, I zip myself up tightly in my mummy sleeping bag, and lie between friend like a fish finger packed into a cardboard box! Hoping this will make me feel somewhat safe and secure from bugs. The heat has not decreased much, so on occasion, I unzip my sleeping bag and protrude a leg or arm out to relieve me from heat. I feel stuck! I can hear the tired breathing and snoring and wish I could switch off from my mind set of creepy crawlies trudging on me as I try to sleep..

The positive are I stare up at the Sahara stars. On occasion I see flashes of amazing lighting and colours in the sky, but no noise, and definitely no sign of rain. I lay for hours, surrounded by the gentle hum of co-trekkers sleeping (and the odd few that snore like buffolo), with the anxiety I feel of bugs crawling on me, captured by the tear drawing beauty of the stars. I am sentimental and fellow readers I can not express to perfection to invite you to take on a visit in the manner I have. We can all on look at travel broachers, view friends photos of travelling experiences, save amazing graphics and photos on our desktops., but the only way to realise how incredible the stars are is to view from the Sahara, despite no sleep and fear of being stung or bitten by a creepy hell creature.